Beat The Emotional Recession!

The economy, like the tides, will always be on the move. Sometimes changes in the financial environment make it feel like a rollercoaster – which it is. It goes up and down. However there is no good reason to permit it to do the same to our moods.

If we listen to the news, read the papers and participate in the daily worry-mongering, we are destined for depression – not necessarily of the medical kind – but a depression that is unpleasant and not conducive to health, wealth and success.

Here’s the way to avoid descending into the valleys of doom with the Ftse, Dax and JSE:

• Take a break from worry – you can, if you give yourself permission! Give yourself five minutes a few times every day, to switch off. Tell yourself, “I can stop.” Repeat it often. It is a powerful mantra that, coupled with deep, relaxed breathing, will help you to lower the pace of your heart, your thoughts and your general ‘tension’. Try it now. Sit comfortably, take a few slow, deep breathes and tell yourself you really can ‘stop’. Feel the tension drain as you breathe out. It works with regular practice.
  
• Eat proper food. You know what I mean! Give the stimulants a miss. Crunch through some muesli or oatmeal and take a good supplement. Skip every second cup of tea or coffee and drink water.
  
• Insist on positive conversation. Try to steer every conversation towards something bright – if all else fails, have you noticed how beautifully different the sky looks every day, every hour? I love contemplating the clouds and just being amazed that they always look so different.
  
• Do some exercise every day. You don’t have to train for the Comrades, just do 20 – 30 minutes of exercise that raises your pulse rate and gets you breathing heavily. Yes, you can do it with another person!
  
• Be grateful. No matter how bad things get, there are always positives. You should spend the last ten minutes every night, going over the good things that happened each day. It’s a really positive way to settle down for a peaceful sleep.
  
  

It really is as easy as that. As my friend Claire Newton the psychologist says,

“In life, no matter what the category (wealth, ability, good looks etc), there will always be those who are better off than us, and there will always be those who are worse off than us. Most people only compare themselves to those who are much better off than themselves and so end up feeling discontented and hard done by. Try comparing yourself to those less fortunate, and you will realise just how privileged, blessed and ‘wealthy’ you really are.”

What has all this to do with ‘connecting’? Simply this – you need to be connected and centred within yourself to ensure a viable foundation for good connections with others. Nobody wants to be connected with somebody who is negative, confused or just plain miserable. I mprove your mood and you’ll build and develop better connections for life and for business!

Create Deep Connections

Greetings. I hope you are all well and that the recession is not biting too badly – you can keep it at bay by working to expand your network and enhance the value of your connections with others.

You need meaningful connections with members of your network. Superficial connections do not lead to the ready exchange of business ideas and referrals that we as networkers seek. If you want people to keep you ‘top of mind’, the connection must be an authentic one.

A simple test to ask of yourself and your connection with others is this – do we have a ‘Mayday’ connection, or does it go deeper? A ‘Mayday’ connection is one which is activated either by you or your associate, friend or contact calling one another only when in need of assistance (help, or a business referral). Deep, authentic connections on the other hand are maintained through regular contact made for the sake of keeping that contact alive. If you do this, the connections are established and warm, not merely a list of people to harvest in time of need.

How do we create the deeper, more authentic connections that we need? Call or otherwise contact people regularly – once every 4 – 6 weeks – simply to say ‘Hello’ and to exchange news, views or to give them useful information. Of course it can be onerous – especially if your network is a large one. This is where a regular newsletter is really useful. You can ‘skip’ the direct contact at least every alternate time, by making contact through an e-mail, a newsletter or by referring them to the latest post on your blog. Make sure that you deliver something of special interest or value in the message or blog entry. Don’t be tempted to skip too many direct contacts however – there is nothing as important as one-to-one contact to keep the ‘kettle boiling’.

Moses Mabhida

It’s done! The soaring arch over the iconic new soccer stadium in Durban is complete. I have been watching it grow slowly for many months, and noticed that this main feature of the giant was completed quite quickly. Now, it will be just a short spell and the structure will be complete – people will begin pouring in for events and in no time at all, ‘Moses’ will be an established part of the landscape.

Your network should be developing along the same lines – it may seem quite tedious at first, but once the ‘hard yards’ are done, the rest will happen quickly and the crowds will pour in!

We need to work untiringly and consistently on building our networks, in good times and bad – remember, people do business with people they like, so sharpen those skills!

Watch this space for news of our support products – we plan new seminars, two new books this year, audio CD’s and a networking DVD. We have also added new features to the two-day Networking Workshop – it’s a must for those who really need to learn to connect. Can you recommend us to anybody you know?

Meanwhile, we wish you all the best for 2009. Let’s not participate in the recession –it’s a man-made phenomenon, together we can make changes and give depression a miss!

Stranger Than Friction

Sometimes it’s easier to connect with absolute strangers, than it is to feel close to the ones we love. Does that sound weird to you? Let me explain.

I am a divorce lawyer, so I see a lot of relationship problems. Occasionally, I get the chance to see both husband and wife, to try to mediate a solution to the challenges presented by their split. I had just such an opportunity very recently. I was confronted with two really nice people, each with a lot of anger towards the other.

It was so frustrating. Both of them had issues, obstacles in their minds to the harmony that should have existed between them. However, neither of them was able to see their own failings – or rather, the cause of their own inability to repair the relationship damage. They were too close to the problem – too familiar with each other and their feelings towards one another. Each could only see what the other had ‘caused’, in their view. Each was both justified and mistaken, to a degree. I could see what each had been doing for ages, and how they had each built a wall against which they were banging their heads. Neither could see that – so their mutual resentment had grown and grown.

I bet you that if these two people met each other today – as strangers – they would have been attracted to each other. They seemed right for each other, to me. However, it will take a genius of a therapist and a miracle for them to ‘find’ each other again. Sad. Such a waste.

What positive message can we take from this? I think we need to try to look at our nearest and dearest (and ourselves) through the eyes of others, from time to time. How do we do that? By focusing on others, spotting both the good and the bad, non-judgementally, then asking ourselves if we could perhaps be guilty of any of the mistakes we see in others.

I have tried it. It can be quite revealing. It is an exercise that can help any of us to develop greater empathy and will, I have no doubt, make better connectors of each of us.

Go Fly A Kite!

Are you a keen kite flyer? Perhaps you are a fisherman, ornithologist or a gardener? No? How about skeet-shooting, quad-bike riding, knitting, surfing or photographing post boxes? Still not? Well, it’s time you tried something new and possibly exotic, just for the experience. Take up scuba diving or just go and watch football in the rough pub your mother warned you about. Take up meditation or attend a cooking course. Visit an art exhibition, technical expo or a book launch. Do something that you would not normally dream of doing – I dare you.

What’s my point? Simply, this: If you only do the things you normally do, you are not likely to meet any different people. And if you don’t meet any different people, how are you going to expand the network of people you mix with or do business with?

It’s quite normal to want to mix with the people who make us feel ‘at home’. Nobody feels comfortable when they are in a different environment, amongst strange people. Most of us avoid that experience. It is quite normal for us to seek out the kinds of people we can relate to and feel good with, people we can easily talk to. We avoid being around aliens. This is why people who have planned for years to leave the country (any country – it’s the same experience anywhere) go halfway across the world and come back really quickly, sometimes in a few weeks or months. They are happy to lose the investment and happier yet to be ‘home’, wherever that may be. Odd, even bizarre we say when we see people back from Britain, Australia or Canada, people who moaned about their country and now swear it’s the “best place on earth.”

The thing is, that sort of behaviour – sticking to the ‘safe’, the ‘known’ and the ‘local’ – is for people who will wonder why their life or the market seems finite, difficult to grow. They will never experience the excitement of the different, exotic and sometimes really strange people and ideas you meet in the back roads, far-off towns and foreign cities. They are unlikely to count presidents, traditional leaders or captains of industry and people from all walks of life among their friends or their networks.

If on the other hand you are a person who wants or needs to meet more people, to expand the circle of your acquaintances and grow your business, do something different. Go to a different place or event, reach out and talk to strangers, make new friends or contacts. Experience a different sport or industry, meet the different people who do that for fun or for a living. Venture beyond your comfort zone. Take up hang-gliding, movie-making, trout fishing or darts… or go fly a kite!

Copyright Roger Knowles August 2008

Interesting People Are Everywhere!

Every day those of us in business have the potential to meet plenty of people. Not all of them seem likely prospects for connection – and even less likely candidates for network members. Some look like potential murderers, drug pushers and losers. Others frighten us off with their (supposedly) superior attitudes. We tend to judge and to label, as a matter of course.

How wrong we can be!

On a recent flight to Cape Town I found myself sitting alongside a little Indian man who looked a bit like Ghandi without the personality. I figured – what the heck, it’s a long flight and I’d better break the ice. I did. We got talking. For a change, I remembered to ask questions and just listen. What a revelation! He turned out to be a very interesting man and a great contact to have for my business.

Never miss an opportunity to chat to somebody new. You never know how important that person may be. Besides, every person on this earth has something of interest to say and you need all the practice you can get, so draw their magic out with your ever-improving conversation skills.

Practice In Shallow Water

Very few fisherman go straight out to the deep sea and cast a line for the tune, sharks and other big fish. Most of them have learned the basic skills by fishing in the shallows, for smaller fish.

The same principle applies well to making connections with people. Start 'small' with local people. I don't mean 'ordinary' people any offence here, by the way, but it is easier to engage the local hardware store owner in conversation, than the President of Toyota. it takes a lot less courage too! Practice on these 'little fish'. You may be pleasantly surprised - the little old lady at the 'Homebaked for Children' store might not merely be a pleasant person, she may be the mother of the President of Toyota!